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My brief summary is that I came to this board in a very bad situation. My BPD wife was in a downward spiral which included police charges, many attempts at suicide and obviously many institutional stays. Yes, when we de-emesh, the real growth and change begins - for both parties For years I put up with verbal and emotional abuse by my BPDhubby. My hubby was getting out of control and I was afraid of one of us getting hurt.